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ours is just a little sorrowed talk

when i was 16 i was obsessed with a guy. not just obsessed, but obsessed. if the world didn't revolve around him, i most certainly did. he was the most charming, adventurous, gorgeous guy i had ever met. there was some wooing, some kissing (ok, a lot of kissing), some drama, and many tears. and i wrote about him. i wrote notes to friends, i wrote letters to him, i wrote in my journal, i wrote cheesy, angsty poems, and i sent one of these poems in to sassy magazine (oh sassy, another tragic memory from my youth...). because my parents were very religious, and because i'd used the word "damn" in my poem, i only put my first name. and sassy published this poem.

three years later this boy killed himself. and i tried to tell myself that it wasn't that big a deal, that we hadn't even talked in over a year, that he had so many problems and was in a better place now, but it really, really hurt. and by then my issue of sassy with my poem in it was gone.

every now and then i'd check ebay for sassy magazines, but i wasn't even sure which issue my poem had been in. a few years ago my then-husband actually tracked it down and was thisclose to winning it for me for christmas, but it didn't happen. then today i finally got around to reading tavi's blog post about sassy. it hadn't even occurred to me that i might find my poem, i just loved sassy. but there it is.

17 years later.

my poem.

what a strange, strange world.

*** update: tavi mailed me the sassy magazine with my poem in it. thank you tavi :) ***

I love this post. Love it, love it. Thank you for sharing.

oh wow, how i remember sassy mag. crazy how your poem found it's way back to you after so many years! the internet is such a wonderful thing. thanks for sharing this cor.

the poem is just perfect. what a strange coincidence finding it like that. i love the last two lines.
this post is beautiful. the second photo is just stunning! i like the idea of a long past relationship in our youth being gathered up in a short little poem. like that's what we have left of that person. just words on a paper that capture a bit of our life and heart in those moments. poetic.
makes me wish i hadn't shredded my old journals in a fit of highschool girl rage. i know those stories and poems would serve me well from time to time now.

I was so in love with Sassy! I wonder if I had the issue with your poem and didn't even know it?? Your poem is great! I'm going to see if I have any Sassy magazines at my parent's house in my huge stack of old magazines I just could never get rid of.

Our world is small and miracles do happen. Congratulations. And thank you for sharing

I think about him a lot, too, Cor. How many times he tried to kill himself, and the tragedies that followed and preceded it. I wonder how his brother is doing. I see his father, dancing away, sometimes when I go back to visit Ames. Your poem was great... I remember you showing it to me IN SECRET but feeling very proud that you were published. Remember the gold van? LOL. I will never forget that! Love you! xoxo

Wow this post practically gave me chills. It's like your poem found you. So painful and poignant and yet such a beautiful thing to happen.

I can't believe it! What an amazing story. I am so glad you found your poem again.

I was reading Tavi's blog and looking through all the old sassy pictures.
I saw your poem and loved it.
And I think I love it even more now.
Thank you.

omg i remember that poem! i loved the poems in sassy when i was a kid becuz it taught me that poetry could be whatever the fuck you wanted it to be not some bs meter crap. this story made me tear up for realz... here at my desk job. thank you

Hi Cori, I had that issue of Sassy, and as I posted to Tavi, I cut them all up, but I actually still have your poem in a way...I had cut all of the works from this feature in every issue and made a collage board out of them...once I dig it up I will tag u when I post a pic. :)
I always liked this poem and really remembered a lot of them throughout my life.

that is CRAZINESS! What a small small world this internet has created. Wow. So awesome. And great poem! Esp. for a doting teenager! Mine at that age were awful (not that they aren't still :)

I was just watching this presentation Tavi gave at Idea City: http://www.ideacityonline.com/video/tavi-gevinson
and she mentioned your Sassy poem and how the Sassy community is alive and well. Just thought you'd think that was cool:)

oh wow kate, thanks so much for telling me!!

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That's so Beautiful...!

that top photo is a polaroid i took last weekend, hanging out at gas works park in seattle at sunset. great memories with some good friends... have a wonderful week!

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